by UzochukwuAmaka Anita Asiegbu
Hi. It’s me again Amaka. How have you been? Hope you enjoyed the holidays? I enjoyed mine with a digital summit.
So, this particular episode is more like a rant and I believe it’s something most persons living with disabilities can relate with.
The other day, I saw a post on LinkedIn about seeing beyond one’s disability and it reminded me of many times I have been in similar situations which I will share some with you.
Once, I walked into an office and met a beautiful receptionist who had an amazing smile. Well I wasn’t there to see her though I wished otherwise. Someone had directed me to her manager and no matter how warm her welcome was, I had to go in to see the manager.
She ushered me into the manager’s office and the nice-looking man who was sitting behind the desk did something that was ‘extraordinary’. He stood up as I walked up to his desk, in my mind I was already thinking “oh what a polite gentleman”. If only I knew.
I greeted him and the response he had for me ran in the lines of; “Oh I’m so sorry. What happened to your leg?”.
Another time, I entered a public transport and one elderly, kindhearted grandma sitting beside me was badgering me about how I became physically challenged and whether or not it was an accident or my village people. Her voice also happened to be louder than your local church microphone so be rest assured that every occupant of the bus was privy to her amebo 101.
Now these occurrences may sound sympathetic in your ears, it may also prompt you to think in the lines of caring, kindhearted, emphatic, thoughtful etc. You might even be asking “ehen so what’s wrong with that na?”.
Omo everything dey wrong with that o. Really! How pathetic is it that you meet someone for the first time and your first point of conversation is their physical appearance.
What happened to courtesy?
Who told you I owe you an explanation of how I sustained a disability?
Where did you get the idea that I would want to share something as intimate as my disability with a total stranger?
Is there nothing else you see in me asides disability?
Are there no other qualifications I possess that could form a conversation?
Are you totally blind that you can’t see my beautiful smiles and comment on that!
You still have doubts about me not owing you any explanations abi? Okay. Let’s assume you are one of these; a plus size but refined brand manager, a bony human but talented writer, a petite or short human but experienced electrical engineer, an extremely tall fellow but excellent data analyst etc. I am introduced to you at an event and I say to you “Hi nice to meet you. I’m so sorry about your body size. What happened to you. How did you grow so fat?”
Or I say “Oh dear, why are you so tall, was it an accident?”
I remove your qualifications and capitalize on your physical structure. How would you feel?
I’m sure you get the drift now. Same way it’s not my business how fat, thin, tall or short you are, it’s also not your business how my physical disability came about.
Now this is something that a whole lot of people do. And I have grown to see beyond their lack of courtesy and try to imagine that they truly care hence the questions. Which is often not true. 80% of them are just nosy. Anyway I no longer get too offended with the intrusion. I most often let them answer their own questions.
When they’re like: “Oh what happened?”, I allow an awkward silence that will most likely result in you filling it up with “Was it an accident?”. And I heartily say Yes. Whether it’s an accident or not is none of my business.
If you insist on me speaking, I randomly mention polio, rheumatism or myelitis. A lot of times my interviewers have no inclination on what any of them mean or their relationship with each other. And this will induce them to silence. If you want to be nosy, be intelligent enough or use Google.
Anyway, you might be wondering why I don’t give one answer to these nosy souls? Don’t worry you’re not alone. I am also confused. I don’t even know the root cause of my disability. I can craft over 10 possible stories that could have caused it. My wonderful father who is a renowned storyteller can carve out over 50. He has even told me some. Whatever that could have caused it, e no concern me and e no concern you too. You are not my doctor.
Truth is, it is embarrassing and offensive to capitalize on one’s physical appearance and demand answers you have no right to. Get to know people for their inner qualities and when you attain that level of intimacy, they may or may not satisfy your curiosity of how their physical appearance came about. As my friend sef, don’t ask. I’ll tell you if I want to. I’m a talkative so you’ll definitely hear it. Exercise patience small.
Finally, I hope with these few rants of mine, I have been able to convince you and not confuse you to stop embarrassing persons with disabilities with irrelevant questions.
By the way, Who else can relate to this episode? It doesn’t necessarily have to be a physical disability. What is that offensive thing strangers ask you? Kindly share.
Do have a lovely week ahead.
